


Here I Stand

by TrixieBastard



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 12:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1744832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrixieBastard/pseuds/TrixieBastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Busker Finn falls for a lovely stranger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt from the lovely [learningacceptanceme](http://learningacceptanceme.tumblr.com) and [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS9o1FAszdk&feature=kp).
> 
> Originally posted on tumblr under user name raernundo.

_Hazel. They are definitely hazel._

In all of his twenty-four years on the planet, Finn thought he’d never seen eyes so lovely before.

_Whoa, pay attention, Nelson._

Finn had been on autopilot while he’d been mooning over those eyes, and he was rapidly nearing the end of his song. He strummed the final chords of Cast’s ‘Fine Time’ and nodded his appreciation to the handful of people who had taken the time out of their busy Londoner schedules to stop and listen to a lowly busker. A few coins landed in his open guitar case; the hollow plunking noise they made was more musical to Finn’s ears than whatever sounds he managed to wrangle out of instrument and vocal cords.

The tall woman had been hanging out at the edge of the small crowd for a while – she’d shown up during ‘North Country Boy’ and had stayed through ‘Perfect Day,’ ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,’ and ‘She’s Electric’, nodding her head in time to the music. He thought he’d seen her mouthing along with the Oasis song, but he wasn’t sure. All he knew is that she kept drawing his gaze and that her eyes were captivating.

“All righ’, how about some Longpigs?” Finn asked nobody in particular, though he did glance at the tall girl as he fine-tuned his B string. He saw her lips quirk upwards in approval before he launched into ‘Lost Myself’, and that little smile sealed her fate – there was no way he wasn’t going to chat her up later.

His break wasn’t actually due for another half hour or so, but Finn didn’t care. He finished his song and thanked his onlookers, who dispersed back into the stream of foot traffic as he bent to case his instrument. As he pocketed the notes and coins that had collected over the course of the morning, he couldn’t help but notice that Hazel Eyes was lingering, leaning up against the nearby light pole.  She was paying more attention to a copy of NME than she was to him, however, and she sipped on a coffee as she read. He hadn’t seen where she had come from, but she looked the part of an office worker on her lunch.

_Now or never, Nelson._

“Fan of the Longpigs?” Finn asked conversationally as he snapped the latches on the guitar case shut. She didn’t look up, and a frown ghosted across Finn’s brow. He could have sworn that there had been a spark of mutual interest as his eyes had met hers for the umpteenth time while he was singing, but maybe he had misread her. Or maybe she just hadn’t heard his question. Ever the optimist, Finn decided to give it another go. Slinging the case over his shoulder, he stood and moved closer to her.

“So you’re a Pigs fan?”

She lifted her gaze, hazel meeting brown yet again as her brow furrowed. “Sorry?”

 _Bloody hell, they’re even prettier close up._  “Just thought you looked like you were enjoyin’ the Longpigs song,” Finn said with a lopsided smile, trying hard not to stare at her. She was tall, topping him by a couple of centimeters, and she was full-figured in all the best ways. It took great force of will to refrain from perving on her chest, which was beyond belief. Fortunately she had those eyes to keep him distracted. And that hair. And those lips. God, she was gorgeous.

“Oh, yeah, they’re pretty decent,” she answered, her smile mirroring his. “You did ‘em justice,” she added with a small nod before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Ach, the traffic covers up all me mistakes,” Finn said diffidently, suddenly unable to look directly at her. Tips from passersby were one thing, but direct compliments were something he’d never been very good at accepting. “Besides, not many people know anything outside of ‘On and On’, so it’s pretty easy to fool ‘em into thinkin’ I’m singin’ it right,” he added, only semi-joking.

“You’re selling yourself short, er….?” She trailed off, clearly expecting him to supply his name.

“Finn,” he answered readily, stretching out a hand.

She tucked the NME under her left arm, freeing her hand to shake his. “You’re selling yourself short, Finn. You have a great voice. Kinda huskier than I would’ve expected out of ya. I’m Rae, by the way.”

Finn’s eyebrows raised – Ray? “That’s an… interesting name,” he said, a confused look crossing his face as she began to laugh.

“Rae as in ‘Rachel’. Don’t worry, I get that question all the time, even if some are too polite to actually ask it.”

Her eyes were sparkling and her lips were smirking and Finn felt lighter than air. “Alrigh’ then, Rae,” he began, relishing the feel of her name on his tongue, “what other bands d’ya like?”

Rae narrowed her eyes as she considered her answer. “Well, Oasis is an obvious answer. Nice one on ‘She’s Electric’, by the way.” She gave him an approving grin before continuing. “Who else? Weezer, The Stone Roses, Blur, Ocean Colour Scene… basically I’m stuck in the nineties,” she admitted with an eye roll, and they both laughed.

“Nowt wrong with that!” Finn asserted, impressed by the bands she had rattled off. “’M pretty much the same, if you couldn’t tell by my set.”

“Yeah, I could kinda tell,” Rae grinned. “Just a little bit,” she added, holding her thumb and index finger a centimeter apart, showing Finn exactly how much she’d noticed.

Before he could answer, Rae glanced down at her watch and blanched. “Oh, fucking hell, is that the time? I gotta get back to work.” She gave Finn an apologetic look, then drained the rest of her coffee and binned the cup. “I’m really sorry, it was lovely talkin’ with ya. Will you be here tomorrow?”

Under normal circumstances, Finn preferred to rotate his locations. He didn’t like to perform in the same spot more than twice a month to keep the cops off his case, but he didn’t hesitate before answering. “Yeah, all afternoon. Does that mean I’ll see ya tomorrow, girl?”

Rae turned and walked briskly away, but not before she awarded Finn with a shy but wide smile and a nod. She had gone a bit pink at his question, and Finn hoped that it meant she had felt something click between them too. He watched her for as long as he could, craning his neck and silently cursing the other pedestrians who moved in and blocked his view. Once she was out of sight, Finn returned to his spot on the corner and took his guitar back out for the afternoon set.

He didn’t realize it until he got home that evening, but the rest of his song choices that day had all been about matters of the heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Finn yawned enormously as he stepped off the Tube, wondering why on earth he had stayed up half the night learning the tabs on the Roses’ ‘Standing Here’. Well, no — he knew perfectly well why, and he felt that there was no better reason to learn a song than to be able to sing it for a girl, especially if that girl were Rae. He figured he was mad for wanting to impress her after only having spoken to her for ten minutes tops, but somehow it felt perfectly sane. Unfortunately for Finn, he hadn’t been bothered to learn that particular track, despite being a fan of the Roses’ entire catalog, and here he was, wanting to be able to play it by Monday. It looked like he had a couple of nights of short sleep ahead of him.  _At least I already know the lyrics._

Allowing the rest of the disembarking passengers to swirl past him, Finn took a rolled cigarette from his tobacco tin and lit it as he ascended the stairs to street level. It was Friday, and he could feel the working class’ anticipation for the weekend in the air. Even though they never preceded a two-day-long break for a busker like him, Finn loved Fridays – people were always in a good mood, and people in good moods tended to tip more generously. Between that and the promised lunchtime visit from Rae, the day was shaping up to be a good one.

Finn strolled as he smoked, humming the Roses as he made his way towards yesterday’s corner. It felt strange coming to the same spot two days in a row. He had, at one point, tried to establish himself at a particularly busy intersection further downtown, as he knew an old sax player that had been performing at the same corner for three years without having trouble from the police. The old guy had said that he had avoided trouble by putting roots down and becoming a “treasured part of the scene”. Finn had nodded and thanked him before taking up a spot on a corner a few blocks down, where he played all his best songs for the benefit of the passersby. Sadly, the cops there had proven themselves adept gardeners, and Finn found himself uprooted with little ceremony. Since then he had kept his monthly rotation, and generally coasted by without trouble.

Finn finished his smoke as he reached his destination, flicking the butt into the gutter as he slid the guitar case off of his shoulder. He crouched down and set the case on the ground, flipping the latches open and lifting the golden instrument out from its red velveteen nest. Once the guitar strap was settled around his neck, Finn turned the case around, facing it towards the pavement to make it easily accessible to potential tippers. As he straightened out of his crouch, he heard a tapping sound coming from his left. He turned and waved to the owner of the chippy that was on the corner, the elderly Chilean cheerfully grinning at him through the plate glass as he watched Finn prepare for the day. Finn saw the little man hold up a finger and turn back to the counter, only to return with a large plastic cup held in both hands. Finn moved to open the door for him, but the old man had already nudged it ajar with his hip and was holding the nearly overflowing cup of tea out to Finn.

“Two days in a row, Finn? To what do we owe our luck?”

Finn smiled as he relieved the man of his burden. “Mornin’, Matias. Yeah, thought maybe I hadn’t bothered ya enough yesterday, had to come back and make sure I’d done it proper.”

Matias shook his head. “Well, as long as you play that boat song I like, I won’t send for the boys in blue.” He cast a gimlet eye up at Finn, who tried to look properly threatened before he broke into a grin that was echoed by Matias.

“I’ll start off wi’ that one, then,” Finn said as he turned back to his spot, taking a sip of the tea before raising the cup in thanks. “Cheers!” Matias waved him off and retreated back into his chip shop, the door to which was now propped open with a cinderblock as was customary whenever Finn was singing. Between the obvious appreciation of his music and the usual complimentary cups of tea to sip between songs, Finn had a very soft spot for the old man and was glad that of all the places Rae could have been, she had been here at his favorite spot.

Finn set his tea down and began tuning his guitar as he hummed the chromatic scale. Normally he would just start off with an easy song or two to get his voice going , but ‘The Riverboat Song’ did have a couple of big vocal jumps to be singing it first off without warming up. Once he was satisfied with both guitar and voice, Finn struck the first chord. It was evident that the passersby felt the same way about Ocean Colour Scene that Matias did – before he reached the second verse, he’d already gotten a few tips. Fridays really were the best for busking.

The morning passed quickly; whether it was due to his very successful first set or his nervousness about seeing Rae, Finn wasn’t sure. Noon was approaching rapidly, and though he didn’t know exactly when Rae normally took her lunch, he knew that the time was nigh. He began to feel the fluttering of anticipation in his stomach, his nerves starting up a samba as the minutes ticked by. Soon it was half past and he could see Rae walking along the pavement towards him. He saw her lean up against the same streetlamp as the day before, once again sipping on a coffee, but this time without the distraction of a magazine. She gave him a bashful smile, which he returned as best as he could while singing.

As soon as the last chord faded away, Finn thanked his listeners, grabbed his case, and sauntered over to where Rae was clapping one hand against her thigh, applauding him as best as she could considering the coffee that was occupying her left hand. He felt his ears go a bit warm in response to her approval and tried his best not to look like a complete nutter as he smiled at her. “Alrigh’, girl?”

“Heya, Finn.”

“’S good to see ya.” Finn lowered his chin and raised his eyebrows, looking at Rae teasingly through his lashes. “I were beginnin’ to think you weren’t goin’ to come around.”

“I said I would, didn’t I?” Rae asked, one brow arched cheekily. “I never break my promises.”

“S’pose you did promise. I’m just glad you have a strong moral code.”

“Yeah, well, you can blame me mum for that,” she answered, rolling her eyes. Their nerves made both of them laugh more than what was merited by the joke, and as their chuckles trailed off, an awkward lull settled over them. They watched the lunchtime crowd as they stood side by side in silence, each waiting for the other to speak.

It was Finn who broke the silence. “So, ya havin’ a good day?” he asked, marveling at how gawky she made him feel. He was accustomed to being the guy who never fumbled for things to say to a girl, even though he was generally crap with words. He was used to being the one who never had to resort to small talk, despite not being a sparkling conversationalist. In fact, he rarely had to chat a girl up much at all — he usually only had to look at a bird to get her interested. Everything that he was used to was thrown out the window where Rae was concerned, which both intrigued and frustrated him.

“Yeah, I guess,” she replied, shrugging one shoulder as she continued watching the people walking by. He could have sworn that she was a touch pink in the face – was she as nervous as he was? “Looks like you had a good morning yourself,” she added with a nod to the guitar case in Finn’s hand. Apparently she’d seen the plentiful number of notes and coins inside before he’d shut it.

“Yeah, Fridays are mint,” he agreed. “This one is better’n most, though,” he said, his eyes glinting mischievously as he gave her a lopsided smile. He watched her face get even redder as she cottoned on to what he was saying – it looked like she  _was_ just as nervous as him. Hopefully that meant what he thought it meant; if it did, maybe he had a shot.  _Won’t know unless you try._  “So, d’ya always take lunch this late?”

Rae suddenly became very interested in the toes of her green Chuck Taylors. “Er, yeah, usually. Why d’ya ask?”

“Thought maybe we could get lunch on Monday.” Finn’s tone was casual (or at least he hoped it was), but his insides were wound tight as a spring as he kept his gaze trained on Rae’s face, trying to gauge her reaction to the idea.

At his suggestion, Rae’s eyes flashed up to meet his. Finn saw such a mix of emotion there that he was taken aback. Surprise was predominant, but there was also suspicion and a shadow of pain. He was shocked as the saw the glimmer of tears forming and wondered why she would react to his suggestion in such a way. Worried that he had hurt her somehow, he backpedaled hastily, trying to pluck whatever upsetting thing he had said back out of the air. “I mean, if ya want to. It’s okay if ya want to say no.”  _Please want to. Please say yes, even though I sound like an idiot. What the hell was that anyway? ‘Okay if ya want to say no?’ Like I’m givin’ her a favor. God, I am a class A twat._

“Why?”

Rae’s simple question threw Finn for a loop. He frowned, his expression conveying his confusion. Why wouldn’t he want to have lunch with her? She had excellent taste in music and she was beautiful. If that wasn’t a good enough reason to want to become better acquainted with someone, he didn’t know what was. “Because I want to get to know ya.”

The simplicity of his answer seemed to catch Rae off-guard. She looked  at him silently, her brows knit as she picked him apart with her gaze. Finn had never felt so scrutinized before, and he began nervously fiddling with his guitar strap under the intensity of her stare. He must have passed muster somehow, because after a good minute of observation, she nodded slightly before offering a thin smile. “I’d like that,” she answered quietly. “Where d’ya want to meet?”

“I was thinkin’ we could go to the chippy,” Finn answered, gesturing to Matias’ shop as a wave of relief at her acceptance washed over him. “It aren’t fancy, but I know the guy who owns it and the food’s good.”

Rae nodded her approval. “That’s perfect, actually. So 12:30 on Monday at the chippy?”

Finn couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. “Aye, it’s a date.”

————————————————————————-

Saturday and Sunday had crawled by at a maddening pace. Finn had kept his regular weekend spot near the shopping district, and he had had a fairly successful time of it. Good days where the crowd was responsive and the money kept coming in usually sped by, but the anticipation for Monday was making time flow like molasses. At least he’d managed to perfect ‘Standing Here,’ which was the one task that had made the two days bearable.

Now it was Monday and it was lunchtime, which was easily becoming Finn’s favorite time of day. He looked to his left and saw Matias peering at him through the plate glass of his shop – Finn had told him that he was bringing a girl for lunch, and Matias was getting impatient. He was worse than Finn’s friend Izzy, who was constantly on his case about finding a “real girl” and not just another short-term fling. He’d tried explaining to Iz how he’d never been able to connect with any of the girls he’d tried it on with, but she had waved it off as an excuse. Well, if things went the way he wanted them to today, maybe he could finally get Izzy to back off.

Finn decided to knock off early, wanting to be ready to go as soon as Rae showed up. They would only have an hour together, and he wanted to be able to make the most of it. He packed up, then took a cigarette out of his tin and lit it, exhaling the first puff slowly as the nicotine worked to calm his nerves. As he smoked, he turned and checked his reflection in Matias’ window. He was in the middle of sorting his fringe out when Rae walked up behind him. He clocked her reflection and the amused smirk it wore before she laughed.

“Oi, I can’t believe I’m havin’ lunch with a vain lad,” she teased, grinning as Finn’s ears went red.

Finn calmly finished fixing his fringe before turning around, his cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. He took a final puff before dropping the rollie to the pavement and grinding it out with his boot. “’S not that I’m vain,” he answered matter-of-factly. “It’s that I have to do everything I can to look at least half as good as you.” It was his turn to grin as Rae’s face flushed. Pleased with himself and the reaction his compliment had elicited, he took his guitar case in one hand and offered Rae his other arm.

Rae looked down at his proffered arm, almost as if she was afraid of it. It was only a second before she visibly pulled herself together and looped her arm through his, but Finn had seen the doubt darkening her eyes. He wasn’t sure why she was questioning his actions, but he was determined to show her that he was serious about wanting to get to know her.

They walked the five steps to the chippy’s door, which was propped open with the usual cinderblock to allow the music in. Finn stepped aside, allowing Rae to enter ahead of him. When Finn got inside, he saw Matias standing in front of the counter with the goofiest grin Finn had ever seen. The little man gestured to the right, where he had set up a table with flatware, placemats, and a vase of flowers. Finn laughed heartily at the sight – Matias was  _definitely_  worse than Izzy.

Finn chucked the old man on the shoulder as he and Rae made their way to the table. “You’re a fuckin’ wonder, Matias,” he said under his breath, shaking his head in amazement.

Matias grinned. “An old man has to relive his youth somehow.” He gestured to Finn’s guitar case and Finn handed it over for safekeeping, as there wasn’t enough room by the table to keep it with him. “Now go, sit with your lovely girl.”

Finn went to do just that, doing his best to contain the thrill he felt at the thought that Rae might actually become ‘his girl’ if everything went well.

Rae’s eyes were crinkled with mirth as she watched Finn take his seat. “You didn’t know he was going to do all this, did ya?” she asked, waving her hand over the breadth of the table.

Finn knew he would look more charming if he said he’d arranged it with his friend, but he shook his head instead. “No, but I’m not really that surprised. I did tell him I were bringing’ you here, but he did the rest. Matias is a top fella.”

As if summoned by name, Matias came by to take their drink orders, insistent on serving them as if they were in a sit-down restaurant. Rae ordered a Coke, then cast her gaze around the dining area. The other patrons were sending curious glances in their direction, except for a few who were outright staring. Finn noticed Rae tensing up and turned an angry glare to the gawkers – couldn’t they see how uncomfortable they were making her?

“So, what else d’ya do besides music stuff?” he asked, trying to distract her from the onlookers. His tactic only partially worked – though she turned her attention to him, her shoulders were still tense. She glanced up as Matias brought their drinks, then took a sip of her soda before answering.

“Mostly music, to be honest, but I also write a bit. And sometimes I sing in a choir, but that’s music again, innit?”

“You sing?” Finn heard his voice go up – Christ, he sounded like he was in the middle of puberty. He cleared his throat to play it off and took a sip of his tea, visions of Rae singing with him filling his head. He wondered what her voice sounded like.

“Er, yeah. Sometimes. I used to have this thing about performin’, but I’m tryin’ to get over it.”

“Would ya sing somethin’ for me? Not right now or anything. Or ya don’t have to at all,” Finn was quick to reassure Rae as he saw her cheeks pale.

To his disappointment, she shook her head. “Mmm, maybe later. So tell me what else you do,” she said, pointedly redirecting the conversation towards Finn as she took another sip of her drink.

Finn wasn’t interested in talking about himself, but he felt that there was going to have to be more give and take conversationally than he was used to. Most girls he’d ended up with were far more into talking about themselves than Rae seemed to be. “Mostly music stuff for me as well. I play footie a lot, too.”

“Ooh, a sporting boy with a throat of gold? Be still my heart.”

She was only being cheeky, but Finn felt his heart give a leap at her words. Before he could find his voice to answer, Matias returned for their food order, taking obvious pleasure in playing maître d’. On Finn’s recommendation, Rae ordered kebab, and Finn got the same. Matias gave a small bow before stepping away, causing both Finn and Rae to laugh.

“He is really into this,” Rae observed, watching Matias with amusement.

“Aye, he’s a bit odd sometimes, but he’s mint. He looks after me whenever I’m here singin’ for the day.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah.”

A brief lull enveloped them, only to be broken by Matias returning with their food. Finn tucked in eagerly, while Rae was more hesitant. She darted a look around the emptying room — many of the other patrons had finished their lunch and had headed back to work. Seeing that nobody was staring at them anymore, she ventured a small bite.

The conversation flowed comfortably as the pair ate. Finn was finding it easier to talk to Rae than anybody else since his nan had died. She seemed mostly at ease with him, too, or so he hoped. She hadn’t eaten much of her food, but she had kept banging on about varying topics, sometimes seemingly at random. Over the course of the lunch, he had learned that she was a big sister to an eight-year-old, that she had moved to London from a small town called Stamford, that she had gone to uni for journalism, and that she was currently interning at a music publication (which she loved because not only did she get to deal with music-related stuff all day, but they didn’t care that she wore band tees and Chucks to work).

As she chatted, Finn watched how her eyes lit up and how she talked with her hands, punctuating her words with excitement and passion. She obviously loved her life, and Finn found himself hoping that he could become a part of something she so clearly enjoyed.

Far too soon for his liking, Rae informed him that her lunch hour was nearly over. His plate was empty and hers was still half full, but it was evident that they were both done with their meal. Taking one last sip of his drink, Finn stood and offered Rae a hand up, which she accepted. As Rae moved towards the exit, Finn walked up to the counter and paid Matias, taking the opportunity to thank him again for the surprise. Matias waved his gratitude off, then retrieved Finn’s guitar from where he had stashed it.

Finn was about to exit the shop when he paused for a moment to look at Rae, who was perfectly framed by the doorway. He was mesmerized by how the breeze played with her hair and how she kept lifting a hand to it to push it back into place. Aye _, you got it bad, lad._  Shaking his head as if to clear it, Finn stepped outside, transferring his guitar to his other side as he caught her right hand with his left. He grinned at her surprised smile before nodding his head to the right, indicating that she should follow him to his customary spot on the corner. “C’mon, I’ve got somethin’ to show ya.”

Rae stood off to the side as Finn uncased his guitar quickly and slung the strap over his neck. He checked his watch – he had ten minutes before Rae had to go back to work, which was perfect, as the song ran just a little over five. He strummed the strings to check the tuning — at the sound of the instrument, a few working-class stopped and gathered around, clearly glad for a reason to delay their return to their offices. Finn watched as Rae moved to the outside of the small group and wished she hadn’t – he really wanted to be able to see her completely, and not with the possibility of some tall bastard blocking his view.

_Here goes nothing._

“This is for you Stone Roses fans out there, but especially one in particular.” He saw Rae’s eyes widen and flashed her a crooked grin before launching into ‘Standing Here’.

**_I’m standing on a hilltop_ **

**_A hundred miles from home_ **

**_I can see the light surrounds me_ **

**_I want you to show me ‘round_ **

**_I’m standing here_ **

**_I really don’t think you could know_ **

**_That I’m in Heaven when you smile_ **

He kept glancing over at Rae, wanting to look at her, but also trying not to ignore the rest of his audience. A small smile lifted the corners of her lips as she mouthed the words along with him and her eyes were sparkling. The expression in them warmed Finn to his toes, and he fervently hoped she understood what he was trying to tell her. Considering the lyrics, she’d have to be daft not to, and she was anything but.

**_I’m drifting through the city_ **

**_I’m swinging from a tree_ **

**_I can touch, but you can’t feel me_ **

**_You hear me as you sleep_ **

**_I’m standing here_ **

**_I really don’t think you could know_ **

**_That I’m in Heaven when you smile_ **

**_And I’m everywhere_ **

**_I really don’t think you could know_ **

**_That I’m in Heaven when you smile_ **

By the third verse, their eyes were locked on each other, Finn ignoring the rest of the crowd because to him, they weren’t even there. As he began plucking the dreamlike coda, he saw Rae reach into her pocket and pull out her wallet. She withdrew a pound note and unclipped a mini pen from inside the front flap. She wrote something quickly on the note, then threaded her way through the small crowd that had gathered between her and Finn.

**_I should be safe forever in your arms_ **

**_I should be safe forever in your arms_ **

Finn let his voice trail off with the guitar, both fading away completely before the gathered people began clapping. A few notes and several coins found their way into his case, but Finn hardly noticed – the pound note Rae had slipped into his back pocket before walking away was far more precious.

Written along the border in her unique handwriting was her phone number.  


	3. Chapter 3

_One more hour._

Finn glanced at the clock over his telly for the umpteenth time, willing the hands to move faster along their inexorable course. He was due to meet Rae for dinner, and he was getting as impatient as Matias.

He had called her the minute he had gotten home on Monday, throwing all pretense of playing it cool out the window. He was eager as hell to talk to her, and he didn’t care if she knew it.

That had been yesterday. Today they had seen each other over the lunch hour again, and had agreed that they should go out for a proper, non-kebab dinner that night. _Tonight. In an hour. Oh, god._

Finn stood up from his couch abruptly, going into the loo and checking his reflection for the third time. No new spots had popped up, which was good, but he still looked nervous as hell, which wasn’t so good. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was a ball of tension – hadn’t they already had a date of sorts? A date it might have been, but it didn’t seem to matter – he was definitely on edge.

Once the clock hands crept around to 7:20, Finn got up to take his leave. They were meeting at a nice but not too fancy Italian joint that was a couple of blocks away from what Finn was calling “their spot”. His footfalls echoed in the stairwell as he ascended from his tiny basement bedsit, walking out into the warm June night and making his way to the Underground station. He hopped the tube and spent the ten-minute ride staring out of the window, watching the individual bricks blur into one continuous smear of dark gray as the light from the train illuminated the tunnel walls.

Finn sprung up as his stop was announced, exiting the train and taking the stairs to street level two at a time. His hand automatically went to his tobacco tin, and he was inhaling hot smoke a moment later. His body wanted to whisk him down the street, eager to burn off his excess energy, but Finn forced himself to slow down. He only had two and a half blocks to walk, and he wasn’t meeting Rae for nearly half an hour. Even at his leisurely pace, he was going to be a good twenty minutes early.

Finn arrived outside of the restaurant and leaned against the brickwork of the storefront, trying to appear cool and collected. He watched other patrons entering and exiting the establishment, and was glad he had decided to forgo a tie. His blue button-down and black trousers fit in well enough, and the lack of tie meant he could keep the collar of his shirt undone -- Finn hated the strangled feeling of being completely buttoned up.

He was perusing the menu placard posted outside when Rae’s voice washed over him.

“Hi.”

Finn turned with a smile to greet her, the smile dropping and everything flying from his mind once he saw her. She was in a navy dress, the knee-length hem showing off her ( _fucking amazing_ ) bare legs. She wore heels, and Finn couldn’t stop his eyes from following the slope of her ankles to the swell of her calves up to the dips behind her knees. He realized he was staring and glanced away quickly, hoping she hadn’t caught him perving, though there was no way she could have missed it. _Subtle, Finn. Good job, mate._ He looked back at Rae, noticing how her hair had a slight curl at the ends and how it streamed over her shoulders to lay on her chest. She was breathtaking.

Finn managed to collect his thoughts enough to speak. “Hey,” he croaked weakly, feeling his palms go sweaty. He gave Rae a shell-shocked grin. “Sorry. It’s just that you look amazin’.” Before he was aware what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Rae blushed (Finn rather enjoyed how much she did that around him), but managed to keep up her usual snark as she looked him up and down. “Not too shabby yourself, Finley.”

Finn gave her a grin, though he was secretly taken aback that he had kissed her. If she had been any other girl, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it – hell, six days in with any other girl and he probably would have shagged her already. Rae wasn’t any other girl, however, and he wanted to enjoy the slow build of the relationship he was so dearly hoping for. _Should’ve at least waited until after dinner._

Hand-holding was something completely different, though, and he wanted to get as much of that in as possible. Her hand had felt so perfect in his outside of the chippy, and his fingers ached to intertwine with hers. He surreptitiously rubbed his palms on his trousers, making sure they were dry before reaching out to her. “Shall we?”

They walked hand in hand to the hostess stand, where Finn gave his name to claim their reservation. They were led to an intimate table near the rear of the dining area, and they let go of each other reluctantly as they sat down. Finn wanted to reach across the table to recapture her hand, but restrained himself and picked up his menu instead.

Since he had looked at the restaurant’s offerings while waiting for Rae outside, Finn already knew what he was going to order. He took the opportunity to peek at Rae over the top of his menu. He’d not had a chance to watch her without her returning his gaze frankly, and he liked being able to just look at her. Her menu was blocking some of her face – she held things up for reading, just as he did. He could still see her eyes, though, and her nose. It didn’t take her long to decide what she was going to order, and they closed their menus simultaneously. The waiter came by to take their orders, Rae asking for a Greek salad while Finn got the mushroom lasagna.

Once the server had bustled off to the kitchens, Finn allowed himself to reach across the table, his palm up as he silently asked for her hand. She complied with a warm smile, and he gave her fingers a squeeze, beyond thrilled that she had gone for his hand so readily.

It took a second for it to register, but Finn suddenly realized that their waiter hadn’t taken their drink order.  “Oi, that guy didn’t ask us what we wanted to drink.”

Rae shook her head, pulling her mouth to one side. “That is wholly unacceptable.”

Finn snorted a laugh. “‘Ere, I’ll just get us somethin’ from the bar. What d’ ya like?”

Rae considered, then bowled him over with her answer. “Snakebite and black, if they have it.”

Finn felt his brows raise in surprise and admiration – he didn’t know many girls who liked pints of any variety. “They ought, it’s a regular bar. But just in case, what if they don’t?”

“Then just whatever you’re havin’.”

Finn grinned his approval and walked up to the bar, returning quickly with a snakebite for her and a Guinness for him.

Rae looked at his pint and smiled. “Oof. Glad they had the black,” she grinned.

“Can’t handle a little Guinness?”

“Oh, I like the taste, but it’s just really heavy, innit?”

They bantered about the pros and cons of their preferred pints, only pausing when the waiter returned with their food. The server set a steaming plate of lasagna in front of Finn, the various types of mushrooms inside giving off an enticing aroma. He saw Rae look down at her salad before looking longingly at his pasta.

“Ya make the wrong choice?” he asked jokingly, picking up his knife and fork.

Rae blanched and returned her gaze to her plate. “No, Greek salad is one of my favorites,” she answered unconvincingly, her mood suddenly quiet.

“Oh, aye? You sure? I’ll share with ya if ya want some of this.”

“No, that’s alright.”

Finn began cutting his lasagna in half – if she wanted it, she would have it. “C’mon, it’s yours. Here.”

Rae shook her head. “No, really. I shouldn’t eat that sort of thing anyway.”

Finn blinked at her. “Whaddaya mean by that?”

Rae sat silently, avoiding meeting Finn’s eyes. He’d wondered about her and food when they had had lunch together because of the timid way she had looked at the other customers, and it saddened him to think that his suspicions may have been right. He set down his silverware and leaned forward.

“Rae, you are completely mental! You’re gorg---“

The sound of Rae’s chair scraping back along the wooden floor cut Finn’s declaration off. She looked down at him with widened eyes, shaking her head so slightly that he could barely tell she was doing it at all. Her mouth hung open for a split second before she spoke. “…I gotta go. I…  I just really need to go, I forgot about somethin’ at home.”

Her vague excuse ricocheted around the empty space once occupied by Finn’s heart. Mind racing as he wondered what he had done, Finn stood hurriedly and threw all the money from his wallet onto the table, uncaring about how much he likely overpaid. He was only concerned about catching up with Rae.

Finn dodged around tables and waitstaff as he hurled his way out of the restaurant. He could see Rae across the street and down the block, her shoes grasped tightly in her hand as she ran. Finn went after her at full speed, but she had only been a few steps away from the tube station when he spotted her and was already pounding down the stairs.

By the time Finn fought through the traffic on the street and reached the bottom of the steps, the doors were closing on the train. He felt his face go slack as he watched the train pull away, glimpsing her blue dress through one of the windows as the last car passed.

Completely at a loss, Finn pulled his Oyster card from his wallet and scanned it, pushing through the gate and standing forlornly near the gap. His head was all awhirl – _what the hell happened back there?_ He hadn’t pegged Rae as the flight-risk type, and that look she had given him before she ran had been heartbreaking. He only wished he knew what it was that had set her off. He replayed the conversation in his head, but was unable to come up with anything that would warrant such a quick exit. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed the pasta on her so hard -- he didn’t think he’d been all that bad about it, but it was possible that he’d underestimated her issues with food.

Ten minutes passed before the next train came, and Finn was bouncing on the balls of his feet by the time it arrived. He was anxious to get back home and give Rae a ring. He didn’t know what he’d be apologizing for, but he had an imperative need to make things right before the night was over.

Fifteen minutes later, Finn was unlocking the door to his bedsit. He made a beeline for the phone, digging in his pocket for his wallet with one hand as he picked up the phone with the other.

_Oh, shit. Shit! No, no, no, Nelson, you fuckwit!_

Finn had opened his wallet to get the pound note with Rae’s number on it, but the billfold was empty. Horrified, he recalled throwing **all** the money onto the table at the restaurant, which apparently included the note he had so carefully set aside, folded up in one end of the wallet so he wouldn’t accidentally spend it. _So much for that, you colossal twat!_

Finn began to pace, wracking his mind for solutions. He was about to go back to the restaurant to see if it was still there when an idea occurred to him. Heart pounding, he pressed the redial button on the handset that was still clutched in his grasp. He heard the other end ring three times before someone picked up.

“Hello?” The voice on the other end was not the one that Finn wanted to hear.

_Fuck!_

“Er, hey, Da’. Look, I didn’t mean to ring ya, I was tryin’ to redial someone else. I’ll talk to ya later, yeah?” Finn didn’t wait for his father’s answer before hanging up. He’d forgotten that he had rang his dad the night before, and he cursed his ineptitude in the kitchen for necessitating the call in the first place.

Finn grabbed the phone book and looked up the number to the Italian place. The hostess on the other end was kind enough to look through the till to see if any of the pound notes had a phone number on them, but she came up empty, surmising that it had probably been given out to another customer as change. Finn thanked her for her effort and hung up, his head dropping forward as he closed his eyes. He had no further recourse that night, and could only hope that Rae would show up for her lunch break the next day.

Cursing himself in an unending stream of profanities both standard and inventive, Finn flopped down on his bed fully clothed, covering his eyes with his arm.

_I don’t know what I did, Rae, but please forgive me. Please._

_\-------------------------------------------------_

Finn could feel Matias’ worried gaze on him as he strummed the chorus to Oasis’ rendition of ‘This Guy’s In Love With You’. He knew the song choice was cheesy beyond belief, but it fit his mood perfectly. It was already 1:27 and there had been no sign of Rae. He chanced a glance back at Matias and gave a small, sad shrug.

By 2:32 it was apparent she wasn’t going to show up at all. A tiny hopeful part of Finn whispered that maybe she had the day off, or maybe she was home sick (which wasn’t something Finn wanted, but it was better than the alternative of her simply not coming to see him). Deep down he knew better than that, and his heavy heart was showing in his music.

At quarter to three, Finn packed up, pulling a slip of paper out of his back pocket once he was ready to go. He’d called his father back after he’d gathered his thoughts enough to speak straight. Though stuck in the 1970’s in a lot of ways, his dad was fairly technologically savvy and had an internet connection at his house. Finn had asked his father to look up any sort of music publication within a mile of his and Rae’s corner, and only one result had been returned. Finn had thanked his dad and written the address down – if she wasn’t going to come to him, he’d go to her.

Finn glanced at the street address of the small music magazine and headed to the west. The office wasn’t too far from where he was, which was unsurprising. Nobody had to go very far to get lunch downtown, and anyone who came near the chippy was more than likely coming from the surrounding block.

Finn glanced up at the tall office building that rose before him, the brass numbers on the metal awning matching the one in his hand. He walked in boldly, intending to go to the elevators. Before he could make it to the bank of sleek metal doors, a security guard stopped him, calling from his station behind a tall desk in the middle of the lobby.

“Where are you trying to go, sir?” The tone was polite, but there was an obvious edge to the query.

“Er, up to AllTunez,” Finn answered, brandishing his guitar. Maybe they had people come in to play, or something. He figured he was grasping at straws, and his suspicion was confirmed by the skeptical look on the guard’s face.

“Oh? And who are you meeting up there?”

“Rae Earl.”

The security guard shook his head. “Don’t know of a Rae Earl.”

“She’s an intern. Tall, dark hair, big hazel eyes. Wears band shirts a lot.”

Finn could see a poorly-hidden spark of recognition in the man’s eyes, but the guard did not back down. “Sorry, sir. Doesn’t ring a bell. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Exasperated, Finn walked over to the guard desk. “Look, I really need to talk to her. Are ya sure I can’t go up? Just for five minutes?”

“Sorry, rules are rules. No unauthorized entry.”

“Then authorize me!”

“It’s the tenants that do the authorizing.”

Finn bent and rested his forehead on the tall security station, the cheap laminate surface cool against his skin. He stood there for a minute, gathering his thoughts and calming his temper. Once he felt under control, he straightened up and gave the guard what he hoped was a reasonable smile.

“Okay, can I leave a message for her with ya?”

The guard considered Finn’s proposal for a minute, then nodded. “You could do.”

“Great. Er, could I borrow some paper?” Once the guard had given him a Post-It and a pen, Finn bent to write a brief message, writing small to make sure he could fit it all onto the square of paper.

 

**Rae,**

**I’m sorry for whatever I did to upset you. If you want to talk, you know where to find me. I really hope to see you tomorrow.**

**-Finn**

 

She had his phone number already – he’d given it to her during their only phone call. He’d sat up half the night hoping his phone would ring, but it had remained silent.

Finn handed his note to the guard, who tried his best not to look at what had been written. “I’ll see that she gets it,” he said, a sympathetic tone that hadn’t been there before coloring his voice.

“Thanks.” Finn walked back through the doors, the sounds of the busy streets enveloping him. He glanced up the height of the building again, wondering which windows belonged to AllTunez. Sighing, he turned his gaze back to street level and made his way to the tube that would take him home – he didn’t have it in him to sing any more that day.

\-------------------------------------------------

Two more days passed uneventfully. Whenever Finn had caught a tall dark-haired girl out of the corner of his eye, he’d snapped his head around, hoping to see Rae. He was disappointed every time.

Saturday was livened up by a visit from a cop, who had unceremoniously shooed Finn from his corner. Matias had tried to come to Finn’s aid, saying that he had asked him to play, but the cop was having none of it. Finn had walked off for a short while, feeling the cop’s eyes following him until he was more than a block away. As he walked, he had briefly wondered if he should have gone to his usual weekend spot, but immediately dismissed it as a terrible idea – Rae didn’t know where he played on the weekends, and hell if he wasn’t going to be somewhere she could find him.  Feeling more hopeless than he had all week, Finn had waited long enough for the cop to move on, then walked back and spent the rest of that day inside the chippy, staring out through the window in case Rae changed her mind.

Now it was Monday again, and there had still been no word from Rae. Finn went inside to talk to Matias, keeping near the window just in case, though he felt like there really was no reason to. Rae had made it clear that she didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, though he still couldn’t fathom what he’d done to drive her away.

“I dunno, Matias. I think I might start my rotation up again,” Finn said, brooding over his tea.

Matias sighed, giving Finn a look that conveyed sympathy and irritation in equal amounts. “Are you sure you want to give up on her?” he asked, hoping Finn would reconsider his decision to start playing other corners again.

“She gave up on me, like! I’ve been here waitin’ for her to come ‘round. I don’t even know what I did, and she won’t come and tell me how to fix it.” Finn felt a lump of frustration rise in his throat and took a sip of tea, trying to wash it away. “But you’ll keep an eye out for me, yeah? Just in case she comes back? Please, Matias.”

The little Chilean nodded, his visage somber. Finn figured his friend was disappointed that he was giving up so soon, but the old man didn’t know how hard it was to be out there, getting whiplash from every dark-haired girl and feeling the cracks in his heart widening every time it wasn’t Rae.

“Well, I guess I’ll see ya in abou’ a month, aye?” Finn stood and stuck his hand out for Matias to shake. “You’re a good friend. I’ll give ya my phone number in case ya see her, alrigh’?”

Once Matias had his contact information, Finn exited the shop and automatically walked around to the right side, his feet following the familiar path to his performance spot. He was about to turn around and head to the tube station when he was struck with an idea.

Finn crouched and undid the clasps on his case, slipping the strap of his guitar over his neck. He stood and struck the opening chords to ‘The Riverboat Song,’ wanting to show his appreciation for Matias again before he made his monthly rounds. Matias knocked on the plate glass and gave Finn two thumbs up with a huge grin, which Finn answered with a nod and a rueful smile. He was going to miss seeing the old man every day.

The song was soon finished and Finn was once again crouched in front of his case, this time putting his instrument away. As he tucked the strap away to make sure the buckles wouldn’t scratch the finish of the guitar, a shadow fell over him. Though it was strange that the owner was standing over him, Finn paid it no mind as he finished packing up.

Just as he was about to stand, he glanced over to see a familiar pair of green Chuck Taylors. Finn’s heart lurched, and brown eyes raised to meet hazel.

“Hi.”

His voice was strangled, fighting to get past the lump that had reformed in his throat. Rae smiled at him, and Finn wanted to weep with relief.

 

“Hey.”


End file.
